I’m going to start blogging (I’m going to try for every Monday!) about my writing process and what I’m working on. I don’t like to reveal too much about my works in progress (WIP) because sometimes they end up going nowhere and are total dreck, and also because I like to tease. :-)

One thing I’ve learned from all my writer friends is that we are all neurotic, self-obsessed whiners who lack confidence in our ability. Okay, I’m kidding, sort of, but I do find that many of us ride the same emotional roller coaster when it comes to our writing, so if this blog gets all whiny be sure to slap me in a comment and let me know to get over it!

I currently have 3 stories I’m actively working on, although I’m going back and forth between them all. I don’t generally have titles for my WIPs until they’re finished, with some exceptions, so I make up names for them. My first WIP is currently known as “Ponzi”. I’ve been stuck on this one for a while. This story is intended to be part of a series involving a big international security company. I think I got overwhelmed by the enormity of doing a series, and that stalled me on this story for a while.

I then started another story which I’m calling “Murder in the Vineyard” except the murder didn’t really happen in the vineyard, but oh well. I got stuck on this one, and I’m going to blame it on the amount of plotting I did. Because there’s an element of mystery/suspense in this story, I wanted to plot it out intricately. But somehow that took all the fun out of writing it.

I went back to Ponzi. I decided I would focus only on this story in the series, and not the others right now, and maybe it would be less overwhelming. This did seem to help, but then I got stuck because of all the research I needed to do. Since I wasn’t having fun with it, I went back to my Murder in the Vineyard story. But my boredom with the story (I already knew exactly what was going to happen) made me worry that the story itself was boring. So I sent the first five chapters off to my critique partner. Her feedback encouraged me to keep going with it.

But then I decided I just wanted to write something fast and fun. So I started the third story. And that’s the one I’m working on right now. Next week I’ll talk about how that’s going…

Seriously Reviewed rated Rigger: Story: 9 Presentation: 9
Total: 18

"Oh my hell, this book was impossible to put down. Alek has all the wonderful qualities we love in a hotter than hell hero. He’s sexy and yummy, and has a deliciously naughty streak that made my heart pound and my panties damp.

Yep, this is a perfect example of erotic romance, because while the sex is scorching and just remembering while I’m writing this review is making me hot again, this is also a wonderful friends to lovers stories...This truly was a hot story to read that satisfied on all levels."

I am so thrilled! This means a lot to me, because this is exactly what I want my writing to be - hot and steamy but still a satisfying story. Thank you Seriously Reviewed!

By dirafum mine sad this week Photobucket

“Brittany’s coming over,” Jack told Carter a few days later.
Carter’s brows flew up. “Brittany’s coming here? What for?”
“She has the results of the testing. She wants to talk about it.”
“Oh.” Carter fidgeted. “I’ll go out for a while, then.”
“Nah, that’s okay. It’s your place, you can stay. Not like we have any secrets.” Except they did, guilt still eating at his gut over sleeping with Ally. He felt like a piece of shit hiding what they’d done from Carter. He sighed. Carter’s doorbell rang and he grimaced. “Guess that’s her.”
Carter looked strained as he went to answer the door, but when Jack saw Brittany’s face, he was even more alarmed. Shit. This was not going to be good.
“Long time no see, Brittany,” Carter said with his usual easy charm. “Come on in, have a seat.” Brittany’s eyes met Jack’s as she walked into the room and she gave him a weak smile.
They sat on Carter’s sleek leather furniture. Brittany’s fingers twisted the strap of her purse over and over again.
“Would you like a drink?” Carter offered.
“No thanks.” Her eyes sought Jack’s again and his heart sank. Oh man. This was going to be bad news, he could just feel it. He probably wasn’t a good match for donating and Brittany was upset and worried.
The churning in his gut started up again. He took a breath, smiled reassuringly at Brittany. “So what’s the deal?”
“Um...” Brittany’s eyes darted from Jack to Carter and back to Jack again. “I gather Carter knows what’s going on?”
“Yeah, I told him about Sarah.” Jack glanced at Carter, hoping Carter wasn’t going to start talking that crap about Brittany suing for child support. “It’s okay with you if he’s here, isn’t it?”
He watched as she visibly straightened her spine, fingers still tightly clasped on her purse. “I...I guess so.” She looked even more distressed. Jesus.
“Anyway,” Jack continued, his own nerves stretched like an elastic band ready to snap. “Did you get the results of the tests?” He looked at her expectantly.
She nodded, looked down again. “Yes. I’m afraid it’s not good news.” She paused, drew a breath, and Jack’s heart sank. The silence amplified as Brittany gathered her thoughts, then she looked up and met Jack’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Jack,” she whispered. “I am so, so sorry.”
He nodded, felt his throat tighten. “It’s okay,” he said gruffly. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m sorry.”
She continued, licking her lips nervously. “The tests showed that you’re not a good match.”
He nodded again, chest aching. “I figured that.”
“Not even close, in fact.” She closed her eyes, opened them again. “In fact, the tests showed that you’re not even Sarah’s father.”
The room was so silent you could hear the faint tick of Carter’s Patek Phillippe watch.Jack shook his head. What did she say?
He frowned, peered at Brittany. Now she met his eyes steadily, her own shiny with tears. She nodded. “I’m really sorry,” she said again, her voice trembling.
“Uh...Brittany...what the hell?”
“I guess I screwed up,” she choked out.
She guessed she screwed up? Jack shook his head again. “What do you mean you screwed up? Are you serious? I’m not Sarah’s father?” His heart started a slow, heavy thudding in his chest.
She nodded.
“But...you said Sarah is nine years old.”
Brittany nodded again, biting her lower lip. “Yes. She’ll be ten in December.”
Jack’s mind whirled and he couldn’t do the math, but he’d done it before and it worked out. “I...I don’t get it,” he muttered, shaking his head. “If I’m not her father - then who is?”
Brittany lowered her eyes. “I really didn’t want to do this like this.”
“Brittany...” Jack’s face felt like it was going to crack. “Who’s the father?”
She lifted her head and looked at Carter. Jack followed her gaze, saw Carter grow visibly pale, eyes flickering.
No. No, no, no.
Jack looked back at Brittany. Questioning. Accusing. Incredulous.
She nodded, a small, jerky nod. “Carter. I’m sorry. Like I said, this wasn’t how I planned to tell you.”
Carter jumped to his feet. “You’re saying I’m the father?” His voice was loud, strained.
Brittany looked up at him, her eyes watery, and nodded.
Jack stared at Carter and Brittany, who were staring at each other, Carter standing there with fists clenched, Brittany in the chair, her fingers tightly knotted.
“You can’t be serious,” Carter finally said, with a short laugh. “That is ridiculous.”
Brittany’s eyes widened in shock. “Are you...denying it?”
“I sure as hell am!” Carter cried. “Jesus Christ! What the hell do you think you’re trying to pull on us, coming here like this, nine years later, looking for the father of your child?”
Brittany was speechless for a few seconds. “I...I’m trying to find the person who can save my daughter’s life,” she whispered. “She’s dying, Carter.”
He scowled. “Oh, please, spare me. This has nothing to do with me.”
Her head moved slowly from side to side as she continued to stare at him with disbelief. “Carter...you know. You have to know.”
“Are you saying that he...that you and he...” Jack stumbled over his words, shook his head to try to clear it. “Brittany, you and Carter...?”
Her face crumpled with shame. “Yes. I am so, so sorry Jack. Like I said, this wasn’t exactly how I saw things going. I was so sure you were the father. For the last nine years, I believed it, even though I never told you. I never dreamed...Carter and I...it was only once. It just happened.”
“When we were going out?” Jack was incredulous. This was unfuckingbelievable.
“Yes.” She dropped her eyes. “I know I keep saying it, but I’m sorry. We slept together, but we both agreed we would never tell you about it. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“It just happened? How the hell did it just happen?”
Brittany looked nervously between him and Carter. “It was...you don’t really want to know the details, do you?”
Jack stared at her. Then he shook his head abruptly. “Hell, no.” He turned his gaze to Carter. He glared at his friend with burning eyes. “You slept with my girlfriend? I cannot fucking believe this!”
Strangely enough, he was more offended by Carter’s betrayal than Brittany’s unfaithfulness. It was almost too much to take in. When Brittany had discovered she was pregnant, how had Carter not wondered? How had he faced Jack, knowing he’d slept with his girlfriend? What about all that talk about standing by him, supporting him if he became a teenage father?
“Once,” Carter bit out, his face pale and tight. “It happened once.” He turned to Brittany. “That does not mean I’m the father of your child.”
“There was nobody else,” Brittany said firmly, still struggling with tears. “And Jack has already been proven to not be the father. That leaves you, Carter.”
He shook his head, his jaw clenched. “No. No fucking way.” He drew in a breath. “I know what you’re trying to do. You have to know, Brittany, when you didn’t tell the father nine years ago, kept it secret all these years, chose to raise the child yourself, there’s no way you’d be successful if you try to sue for support.”
Her eyes widened. “That’s not what I want!” she cried. She, too, jumped to her feet and faced Carter, eyes blazing. “You asshole!” She poked him in the chest and he took a surprised step backward.
Jack’s mouth dropped open.
“All I want is a bone marrow donor for my daughter!” Brittany cried. “I chose to raise her on own my own, for my own reasons, and I’m not looking for anything more than that. I just want to save her life.”
Carter shook his head. “Well, screw that. I’m not getting involved in this. I am not the father and that’s that.”
He looked at Jack. “What a bunch of bullshit,” he snarled, then turned and left his home. He slammed the door behind him.
Brittany stood there looking pole-axed. “I can’t believe he just walked out on me.” She put a hand to her mouth, turned to Jack. He stood immobile, paralyzed with shock and dismay.
“You’re probably mad at me, too,” she said on a sob. “And I can’t blame you. I made you come all the way home for nothing. Got you all worked up about nothing. I can only say again, I’m sorry, Jack. For everything.” She bent and picked up her purse. “I guess I’d better go too.” She started to leave, then stopped and turned back. Her eyes were wet. “I want to thank you. For coming and for getting tested and agreeing to donate, even though it didn’t work out. Thank you, Jack.”
Jack just stared after her as she, too left the room, closing the front door more quietly behind her than Carter had.
Jack swallowed. Holy shit. What had just happened here? He covered his face with his hands and sank down onto the couch before his legs gave out. How could this be?
Jesus. He’d put his whole life on hold to come home and meet his daughter. Then he found out she might be dying and he was the only one who might be able to save her. Now ...he had no daughter. And found out his best friend had betrayed him all those years ago and he’d had no fucking idea.
He stared up at the ceiling with burning eyes, feeling like he’d just been run over by an Abrams M1 tank. Then he knew he couldn’t sit there alone. There was only one person who could help him deal with this shit.

Extreme Close Up Chapter 27

I'm reposting this because it's such a pretty New Years Eve picture!
Happy New Year everyone, wishing you all the best in 2010!

If you haven't read my Samhellion freebie, today's a good day to do it because it's New Year's Eve...Gavin and Melina are having a sexy celebration!

Love Me Tonight is a short story about Gavin and Melina, who you may recognize from Love Me and Love Me More. They're in for another sexy New Year's Eve adventure - but this one may surprise you!

Go check it out!

This week I finished a novel by a new-to-me-author who happens to also be represented by my agent Laura Bradford and is also a fellow Samhain and Ellora's Cave author - Beth Kery. I read Sweet Restraint and I really liked it! What a great story! I loved all the emotion and what kept those two lovers apart all those years.

2 Hot 2 Handle comes out February 2, 2010 from Samhain Publishing. Here's the trailer!

My Samhellion freebie is up already!
Everyone loves a free story, right?

Love Me Tonight is a short story about Gavin and Melina, who you may recognize from Love Me and Love Me More. They're in for another sexy New Year's Eve adventure - but this one may surprise you!

Go check it out!

Monday morning Jack met with a nurse at the oncology clinic.
“I’m Marlo Dixon,” she said, shaking his hand. She motioned to a chair and gave him a warm smile. “Please call me Marlo.” What type of person did it take to be a pediatric oncology nurse? He could only admire the way she made him comfortable, asked if he’d brought any family with him. He regretted not bringing Ally, but it was probably best not to get her too involved with all this stuff.
“Human leukocyte antigen or HLA testing is used to match patients and donors for bone marrow transplants,” Marlo told him as they sat in a surprisingly un-clinical office with cheerful yellow walls and brightly colored furniture. “HLA antigens are proteins found on most cells in our bodies. Your immune system uses these proteins to recognize which cells belong in your body and which do not. A close match between your HLA antigens and the recipient’s reduces the risk the recipient’s immune cells will attack donor cells or that your immune cells will attack the recipient’s body after the transplant. We take a blood sample to test for your HLA tissue traits.”
Jack nodded, trying to remember to breathe.
“Don’t worry about remembering all this,” she said with a smile. “I have pamphlets and printed materials you can take with you when you leave. You can spend as much time as you like going over them before you make your decision.” She nodded to a stack of paperwork on her desk. “It’s very important to the success of the transplant to have a well-matched donor. The best chance of finding a match is with a brother or sister. Since we inherit half of our HLA antigens from our mother and half from our father, each brother and sister who has the same parents has a twenty-five per cent chance of matching a recipient.”
“Wow. Even that sounds low. And Sarah doesn’t have any brothers or sisters.”
She nodded. “I know. There is less chance that other family members will match. But we will certainly test parents to make sure we don’t miss out on a viable donor. There are a number of other factors that lead to improved transplant success rates.” She outlined some of the factors.
“So I’m good on all those.” Jack gave her a small grin. “I’m big, I’m young, I’m male, I’m healthy.”
Marlo smiled back at him. “Yes to all those. So, I’ll explain how the bone marrow donation process works. It’s a surgical procedure performed in a hospital. The donor receives an anesthetic and doctors use special needles to withdraw liquid marrow from the pelvic bones. Some donors receive a transfusion of their own blood. A donor’s marrow is completely replaced within four to six weeks. Usually the donor goes home the same day. Donors can expect to feel some soreness in their lower back for a few days, maybe longer. Some donors feel tired or have some difficulty walking, but are back to their usual routine in a few days, although some may take two to three weeks before they feel completely recovered.”
“Is it a general anesthesia or local?”
“Could be either,” she answered openly. “The anesthesiologist decides which the best option is. The two types of regional anesthesia used most often are spinal and epidural. They prevent the donor from having any feeling below the waist and the donor is awake through the procedure.”
Jack noticed how she always referred to the donor and recipient as a nameless people rather than him and Sarah. He supposed she was trying to make it as neutral as possible so as not to influence his decision.
“After receiving anesthesia, the donor is placed on his stomach. The doctor makes an incision through the skin on the lower back and the needles are inserted through the incision into the pelvic bones. The doctor then attaches a syringe to the hollow needle and draws out the marrow and repeats this aspiration process until the appropriate amount of marrow is collected. About a quart of marrow is collected, depending on the size of the donor and recipient. After the marrow is collected, a dressing is placed over the incision. Most incisions are small enough that there’s no need for stitches. The donor then goes to a recovery area and is monitored until the anesthetic wears off. When the donor is fully awake, he or she is either brought to a hospital room for further observation or goes home. As with all same-day surgical procedures, when a donor goes home the same day, someone other than the donor must drive.”
Jack nodded, immediately thinking of Ally.
“We follow up with you after a few days to see how you’re doing, and then we call once a week until you feel you’ve fully recovered.”
“I’ve been living and working in Iraq. I just came home to...do this. How long do you think it would be before I could go back there?”
“Are you in the service?” she inquired.
He shook his head. “Photojournalist.”
“Ah. Well, I would think you should probably stay here for three to four weeks after.”
Jack nodded. Three to four weeks. Oh, man. He hadn’t really thought ahead that far. But in the big picture of things, a few weeks out of his life wasn’t that big a deal.
“Do you have any other questions?” she asked gently.
“Are there any risks involved?” he asked. “Just so I know.”
“Of course. As with any surgical procedure, there is some risk involved. Serious complications are rare but could include anesthesia reactions, infection, transfusion reactions, or injuries at the needle insertion sites. We take every precaution to ensure the safety and well-being of the donor. You must have a thorough physical examination before you donate.”
Jack nodded, recalling Brittany telling him that.
“What about Sarah?” he asked slowly. “Are there risks for her?”
“I can’t speak about Sarah specifically,” Marlo said. “I know you are her father, but without permission from her mother I can’t give out that information. But I can tell you generally a bit about the transplant experience from the recipient’s perspective. There are some risks, risk of infection, of bleeding, of interstitial pneumonia, and of course graft-versus-host disease. Acute GVHD can occur anywhere from ten to seventy days after a transplant, though the average time is around twenty-five days. About one-third to one-half of allogeneic transplant recipients - allogeneic transplants are where the donor is a family member - develop acute GVHD. It’s less common in younger patients and in those with better HLA matches between donor and recipient. Most cases are mild, and those who develop it usually have no long-term effects, although in some cases it can be serious or even life threatening. We try to prevent acute GVHD by giving drugs to lessen the immune response, but although these help prevent serious GVHD, mild GVHD will almost inevitably occur.”
“Oh,” Jack said. “That doesn’t sound good. You know, I’m not liking these odds.”
Marlo nodded sympathetically. “I know. But think of it this way - without a transplant, Sarah’s odds of survival may be even less.”
He nodded sombrely. “Okay,” he said decisively. “I’m ready. Let’s do it.”
“You don’t need to make a decision immediately,” she cautioned him. “You can go home and discuss it with your family. You may want to talk to Brittany more about it.”
He shook his head firmly. “No. That’s not necessary. Really, I knew before I came here what the decision would be. How could I not do this?”
She smiled. “All right then. In Sarah’s case, timing is a bit urgent. She’s almost at the point in her treatment where we would want to do the transplant. So we can get you in for a complete physical this afternoon. We’ll take some blood samples for testing and we’ll know this week if you’re a suitable donor.”
When Jack got back to Carter’s place, his mind whirled with all the technical information he’d heard, and he threw himself down on the couch to go through the printed materials they’d given him. Then he realized he should call Brittany and let her know his decision.
He heard the tears choking her voice when he told her he was willing to go ahead with it, but cautioned her that it would be a few days before they knew the results of the tests to know if he was a good donor.
“You will be, I know it,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “Thank you, Jack. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
He rubbed his face. “What about Sarah?” he asked. “Now do we tell her I’m her father?”
“No.”
“But...”
“Not yet. I’m not going to get her hopes up about the testing, Jack. It’s possible you aren’t a good match either, although you’re our best hope. But she’s sick. She has a lot of stuff going on. This is hard for an adult to deal with, never mind a nine-year-old kid.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“If the transplant goes ahead, then I think that would be a good time to tell her. I don’t even want to tell her this is happening, because it will get her hopes up and things don’t always work out. We’ve learned that the hard way.” She paused. “So, if it’s a go, we’ll explain things to her then.”
“Yeah. I can see that would be the best way. Okay.” He paused. “I’ll come by tonight. Sarah and I are going to finish painting the tree house.”
“Okay.” Brittany’s voice sounded strangled. “See you later.”
He hung up, tossed his cell phone on the coffee table and leaned his head back against the sofa. Jesus. Everything was so complicated.
He finished reading the information he’d been given, not that anything there was going to change his mind. A sore back for a few days was nothing compared to saving Sarah’s life.
The urge to talk to Ally about it all was so overwhelming he picked up his cell phone to call her. He flipped it open, stared at it, then slowly closed it.

Extreme Close Up Chapter 26

I want to wish everyone the most joyous of holidays full of peace and laughter, friendship and love!

This week I've been back on a Lorelei James reading kick! I finished All Jacked Up. I really liked this story, and the characters really got inside my head. Reading this book and Sweet Seduction by Maya Banks last week reminds me how important good characters are. Then I read Cowgirl Up And Ride also by Lorelei James, and now I'm reading Shoulda Been a Cowboy. I only wish I'd read these stories in the order they were written because now I'm reading about characters (like Keeley, whose story is in All Jacked Up ) who haven't had their own romance yet. I don't think you really have to read them in order, and I've sure been jumping all over the place, but they are all connected.
Non fiction: Making Magick by Edain McCoy.

This is my first ever 5 review!!
Romance Junkies gave Love Me More 5 Blue Ribbons:


"With tons of red-hot romance and a surprising understanding of relationships between men and women, LOVE ME MORE is an excellent sequel to LOVE ME. I think every female in the world has probably shared Mel’s feelings at some point...Excellent job!"

Wheee!

I'm blogging about my Ellora's Cave Release RIGGER over at the Nine Naughty Novelists today - come find out what inspired this story!

Jack collapsed onto Ally’s sofa as soon as they were in the door. He stared into space.
Ally watched him, concern and love for him swelling and aching in her chest. If only she could make this all right for him. She’d do anything to ease this pain for him. This was unbelievable.
She sank down on the couch beside him and took his hand. For a long moment they sat there in silence. The tension between them was replaced by the shock of Sarah’s illness, the horror that she might die, and anger that something so cruel could happen to a beautiful child.
“Are you okay?” she finally whispered, not looking at him.
“No,” he groaned. “Ally.” He turned to her and pulled her into his arms, which tightened around her like clamps. She slid her arms around his neck and let him hold her, nestling in against him, both of them taking comfort from the close connection.
“I can’t believe it,” he said, his low voice muffled by her hair. “I just find out about her, just get to meet her...and I find out she’s dying.”
“She might not be.” She stroked her hands over his back. “If you’re a good match, and you’re willing to donate, maybe you can save her.”
His arms tightened and she felt his uneven breathing, the heavy thud of his heart against her. “Yeah. Maybe.”
They stayed like that for a long time, and she knew Jack was fighting to control his emotions, his breath shuddering in and out of him.
“Would you do it?” she finally asked him, drawing back a little. “Donate your bone marrow?”
“Of course!” He looked down at her with faintly red eyes, his face drawn. “Man, if I can do something so little as donating bone marrow to save a life, why wouldn’t I? So many families I saw ripped apart, innocent children killed. Those parents - Mohim - had no choice about keeping their kids alive.” He shook his head, his eyes sad.
“You can do something about this,” she whispered, laying her palm on his cheek, rough with a day’s growth of golden beard. “And I’m here for you, Jack.”
“I know.” He hauled her against him again, pressed his face to her hair. “I know you are, Ally. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re all that’s getting me through this.”
“No, I’m not. You’re strong, Jack. You’ve always been strong. You know what you need to do and you do it.”
“I know, but it doesn’t make it easier. I didn’t plan to stay here very long. I have a job I have to get back to. My whole life is bombed–out rubble.” He shook his head. “Except you.”
She knew he wanted her, cared about her. She felt the same. She also knew if they slept together again Jack was going to feel horrible. But she couldn’t stop it. They needed each other, on a level that went far beyond rational thoughts about why they shouldn’t do it. And Ally didn’t care. She didn’t care if Carter was pissed off at them. She and Carter had been done a long time ago. She should care about Carter and Jack, she supposed, but she couldn’t help feeling that Carter didn’t deserve Jack’s unswerving loyalty.
She stood up and took Jack’s hand in hers. He looked at her. Then he stood up, too. And followed her up the stairs to her bedroom.

* * *

“I’m going to go stay with Carter.”
Ally’s head snapped up. They sat in her kitchen drinking coffee the next morning.
“Why?” Her forehead creased.
“I can’t stay here with you, Ally.” He swallowed hard. “This is going to keep happening. And it can’t.” He tensed, waiting for her response.
She set her cup down on the counter, looked down at it.
“I know,” she whispered.
Jack blinked, then stared.
“I’m being when you have so much stuff going on. I swore to myself I would let you deal with Sarah and Brittany. You don’t need me bugging you about us and about Carter on top of that.”
“Oh.” Jesus, that wasn’t the problem. Ally was the one sane thing in his life, his angel. He struggled with how to tell her that.
“You still feel guilty, don’t you?” she asked.
“Hell, yeah. Although I have to admit, I totally forgot about Carter for a while there.” He let out a long breath. “I just couldn’t help myself. Couldn’t resist you. I’m weak, Ally.”
She gave a little laugh. “Weak my ass. You’re the strongest person I know.”
“Not when it comes to you, apparently.” He reached for her hand, then drew back. “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for. For hurting her? For being a stupid idiot who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants? “I know we shouldn’t have done it, but damned if I could help myself.”
“I know.” She touched his face. “I feel the same. I told myself I would leave you alone, that I would just be supportive and helpful until you get through all this. Then you touch me and I’m gone. I’m sorry, too, Jack.”
“Don’t apologize,” he whispered in agony. “You don’t need to feel guilty, too.”
“But I do feel guilty. Your life is crazy right now. You don’t need this on top of everything else.”
Hell, she was right. And yet...how could he get through it without her? Ally may think he was strong, but the truth was, without her he felt weak and helpless.
Ally sat there, quiet, then asked, her voice touchingly tentative, “Will you let me know when you get the test results? And how things go with Sarah?”
Her words made Jack’s chest tighten. “Of course.” Did she think he was going to leave and never see her again?
“And what about after your surgery?” she asked. “You need someone to drive you home and you shouldn’t be alone. You can come back here, then, if you want.”
“I thought Carter might look after me,” he joked.
“Yeah, right. ‘Cause Carter is so nurturing.” Her lip curled.
“Hey. He stood by me once before, when I went through a tough time. The toughest. He was a good buddy, and I’m sure he will be this time, too.”
Ally stayed silent and he shifted, turned her face with a hand on her chin so he could see her eyes.
“You know, Carter changed the last few years,” she said slowly, meeting his gaze. “When he started working for Chipman, Barratt he got so involved in his career. There were things about him I didn’t like. Sometime he was working on cases that I...had problems with. Defending guys that were guilty, getting them off on technicalities. I felt like he was becoming...unethical.” She cleared her throat. “The first time he cheated on me I tried to tell myself it was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. But the second time - no.” She hesitated. “I shouldn’t be saying this. He’s your friend.”
Jack listened, touched her hair.
“I just want you to know ...be prepared that maybe he’s not the guy you think he is.”
Jack knew Carter wasn’t perfect, but he still felt he owed him a lot. He owed him his loyalty.
“But,” Ally continued, her voice determinedly upbeat. “Sarah is the most important thing right now. I understand that.”
“Thank you, Ally.” He held her to him for a long moment then kissed her hair.

Extreme Close Up Chapter 25

Take a peak at the trailer for a little preview of this book, out tomorrow with Ellora's cave...

This week I finished Sweet Seduction by Maya Banks. Nathan is so alpha, yet he's met his match in Julie! A nice simple but hot story.

I'm currently reading All Jacked Up by Lorelei James. I do love her stories. I love these two strong characters and the sparks flyign between them.

In my non fiction reading, I'm working on Everyday Life in Regency and Victorian England by Kristine Hughes. No, I don't think I'm going to write a historical romance, but I have this idea...Also reading Lords of Battle by Stephen Allen. Also related to my idea...which still needs a lot of work. Stay tuned!

Come on by the Bradford Bunch blog where I'm telling a Christmas story!

“Dinner’s ready.” Brittany’s voice came from behind them. Ally turned and Jack wanted to kick the tree house as he walked past it and into the house. They took turns at the sink washing up and Jack pulled his T-shirt back on, but not before he’d noticed Ally eyeing him again. She seemed to like what she saw. Oh, man this was so bad.
They sat around Brittany’s small kitchen table eating hamburgers and home-made French fries, and Jack got that beer he’d been wanting. He talked to Sarah about her daycare and the trip they’d taken to the local pool that day, and even though it was surreal if he thought too much about where he was and who he was with, it was nice. Almost a family kind of thing, even with Ally there.
The truth was, Ally was the one who felt most like family. The one he was most comfortable with, the one he wanted to be with more than anyone else. He glanced at her occasionally. She didn’t say much through the meal, but he could tell she was listening intently. She asked Sarah the occasional question, too, laughed and smiled.
The strangest thought shot into his mind, a wish that Ally was Sarah’s mother and the three of them were truly a family. Not that he didn’t like Brittany. They could still be friends, despite their teenage relationship. The reality was - Brittany was Sarah’s mother. She always would be and he’d always have that link to her. But it was Ally he wanted to be the mother of his children.
Pain sliced through him and he set down his beer. This was what his life was going to be. Linked to a woman he didn’t want, by a child to whom he owed it to be the best father he could from the other side of the world, all while wanting a woman he could never have. Jesus, what a fucking dismal future he had to look forward to.
He couldn’t eat any more, pushed the plate away from him.
“Can I have your fries?” Sarah asked him.
“You’re having a hungry day, aren’t you sweetie?” Brittany asked with a little laugh.
“Sure.” He let his daughter take his plate. He swallowed past the golf ball that had materialized in his throat and smiled at her.
When they’d helped Brittany clean up and do the dishes, they all went back outside.
“How much more are you going to do tonight?” Ally asked him.
“I dunno.” The longer he worked here, the less time he had to spend with Ally alone at her place, or deal with packing up his stuff and telling her he was leaving.
He stared at the structure still in pieces. It was going to fill Brittany’s entire tiny yard. Shit. What had he done? Sarah didn’t even want it. “I guess I’ll work a bit longer.”
“Want some help?”
He looked at Ally. “You can hammer nails?”
She gave him a crooked smile. “Probably not. But if there’s anything I can do…”
“Hey, watch this!” Sarah ran over to her swing set and grabbed the two rings again.
They turned back to watch Sarah’s gymnastics. As she struggled to hold herself upside down on her skinny arms, Jack grinned. Then Sarah’s hat fell off, to the ground. And her pony tail went with it.
He stared at the hat on the ground with hair attached to it, his smile fading...my God! How had her hair fallen off? Then he lifted his gaze to Sarah as she righted herself and quickly grabbed for the cap. She was completely bald.

* * *

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jack growled.
They sat in Brittany’s living room. Sarah had gone to her bedroom after a tearful scene when she’d apologized to her mother for letting her hat with the fake ponytail fall off. Apparently Brittany had told her not to let Jack and Ally see her without her hat. Upset but not angry, Brittany had comforted Sarah, her eyes pleading with Jack for him to wait for an explanation.
“What’s wrong with her?” He rubbed the ache in his chest. Ally sat beside him, once again took hold of his hand, and he clutched it in both his as if it were life support.
“She has leukemia,” Brittany told them. “Acute lymphocytic leukemia.”
“Oh, dear God,” Ally murmured beside him.
“She started having a lot of fevers and then infection. She got bruises all the time and I had no idea how.” Brittany pressed a hand to her stomach. “She felt weak and tired and finally her doctor did some tests that showed she had leukemia.”
“When was this?”
“A couple of years ago. Then she had to have more tests, to see what kind of treatment she needed. She’s had a ton of drugs and chemotherapy, to try to heal the bone marrow. She lost her hair, was throwing up all the time.”
“That’s why she missed so much school,” Jack murmured.
“Yes. And now, she...she needs a bone marrow transplant.” She lifted her eyes and met his and his stomach dropped to his heels.
“Is she...is she dying, Britt?” The words came out almost a whisper.
She nodded, shiny-eyed. “She could die if she doesn’t get the transplant.”
“That’s why you called me,” he said slowly, realization crawling over him. “You want me to donate.”
“I’m n-not a good match. I was hoping that you would b-be.”
Jack closed his eyes as the room spun around him momentarily.
“I’m really sorry to drop this on you out of the blue like this, but she’s my daughter, my b-baby. I’ll do whatever it takes to get her better, and I really hope you feel the same.”
Jack was taking it all in, absorbing it. The burger and fries he’d eaten earlier threatened to come back up. He glanced over at Ally and her glossy eyes shone with concern.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I wanted you to get to know her. I thought if I asked you to donate marrow to a total stranger, you’d probably say no. But if you got to know your daughter, got to love her...” She paused, swallowed hard. “I thought you’d do it.”
Jack took a breath. “What all is involved?” he asked. “For me.” God, that sounded selfish. “I mean...”
Brittany nodded. “I know. You have a right to have a lot of questions. I’ll tell you as much as I know, but it would be better if you met with the specialist. He can tell you more and explain it all better than I can.”
Jack nodded.
“Apparently you have to meet with the transplant team so they can give you information. Then they’ll do some blood tests. That will tell them if you’re a good match or not.” She paused. “I’m really hoping, because there are a lot of factors, and the fact that you’re a man, you’re big, and you’re young, are all good things.”
Jack nodded again.
“If you’re a match, you go into the hospital to donate. They give you an anesthetic and then they take some marrow out of your hip bones. You go home the same day and apparently you might have some back pain for a few days. But that’s really all there is to it.”
“It is a surgical procedure, though,” Jack said. “There are risks.”
Brittany slowly moved her head up and down. “Yes. There are. I don’t mean to minimize it, but I think the risks are pretty small, if you’re healthy. You’d have to have a complete physical before they do it, too, to make sure you are healthy and there aren’t any risks.”
She sat there, looking at him, waiting. Ally squeezed Jack’s hand and her support was all that gave him strength to go on.
“Will you come and talk to the specialist, at least?” Brittany asked quietly. “I know it’s a lot to ask.”
“Of course I will.” Was there any other answer? What was he supposed to do? Let his daughter die? Even though he’d had no idea she existed until a week ago, there was no way he could turn his back on her. He glanced at Ally and she smiled at him and he knew she was happy he’d agreed. Of course he had to do the right thing. Hopefully she hadn’t had any doubts about that.
“I’ll call the doctor in the morning and make an appointment,” Brittany told them. “Then I’ll let you know when.”
“Okay.”

Extreme Close Up Chapter 24

RIGGER will be released with Ellora's Cave on Friday December 18!

Here's the blurb:

Photographer Alek Kroft likes to tie up women. As a rigger, he’s into the aesthetics of bondage – the pattern of rope against skin, the marks left in tender flesh – but he has to admit he also likes the high of being in control and yeah, it turns him on. When Alek needs a model to complete the photographs for his book on rope bondage, he asks his good friend Shaela Hudson.

Shaela disapproves of Alek’s kinky sexual habits, but he’s a friend and she agrees to help. She’s not prepared for how being bound and helpless releases her from her everyday problems – her slave driver boss, her unsatisfying career and her derogatory father. She’s also helplessly aroused. So is Alek. He sees how Shaela loves being bound, even though she doesn’t want to admit it, and proposes they explore it together. Intrigued but nervous, Shaela agrees. Neither of them expects to learn the things they do about each other – and about themselves. And neither of them expects to fall in love...

Here's my Christmas "recipe" - but don't eat it!!! Seriously, these ornaments look like cookies and smell divine but they're not edible. My kids and I enjoyed making these when they were little.

Cinnamon Christmas Tree Ornaments
1/2 cup unsweetened store-bought applesauce
1/2 cup ground cinnamon

In a sturdy plastic bag (like a Zip Loc), combine applesauce and cinnamon. Seal bag and knead until consistency of cookie dough. If too crumbly, knead in more applesauce, 1 tsp at a time. Roll out dough to about 1/8 inch thickness. Cut out shapes with Christmas cookie cutters. Using a straw, make a hole in the top to thread a ribbon through.

Place on paper-towel lined baking sheet and let dry for 24-48 hours, turning several times, until hard and dry. Decorate as desired - with paints, glitter and ribbons. Gingerbread men and Christmas trees are really pretty and fun to decorate.

Hang on tree!

Recipe from The Canadian Living Christmas Book

This week I finished In the Dark by PG Forte (just out yesterday at Samhain but I got a sneak peek!) I could not put this book down. I loved the vampires PG has created - a tortured hero who makes my toes curl, a sweet and innocent heroine who brought tears to my eyes several times in the story, moments of pure heart ache, and laughter and oh yeah, it's hot too! I had to keep reading to learn everyone's story and my only disappointment was that it ended! But good news, this is Book One of a series so we get to read more about these sexy vampires - I just hope it's soon!

And I started Sweet Seduction by Maya Banks. This story features Julie and Nathan, who we met in Sweet Surrender and Sweet Persuasion. Nathan is so funny, such a...guy! I'm enjoying this book!